A shiver ran down my spine as I stood in the corner of the room, in the middle of a conversation with friends and family, all of them engrossed in what they were saying and for their need to be heard and acknowledged on a high level of conversational intelligence.
Our close friends and family were all here to celebrate our engagement, but for me, as happy as I was to know that I would spend the rest of my life with Daniel, I found myself unable to completely relax and unwind.
Daniel came towards me, the first of a few occasions I had seen him throughout the entire evening, and came closer until he was standing in front of me. He kissed me on the lips, a long, lingering kiss, so much so that for the seconds that his lips touched mine, I had fallen completely unawares to everything else that was going on in the room. Nothing else was important - besides this moment, until he parted his lips slowly, however still keeping his head aligned with mine as he looked at me.
I smiled and he wrapped me up in a hug, and I felt slowly comforted and safe as his entire body wrapped around me.
I could hear a vibrating noise coming from somewhere, and I looked at Daniel to see him turn away from me quickly, a smile still on his face as he turned to answer it, eager to get whoever it was off the phone so he could concentrate on the dinner party, and having read the anguish in my face, I could see he was pained at not being able to give me his full, undivided attention. As Daniel spoke quickly into the phone, his facial expression turned all too quickly from one of contentment to panic stricken and I could see that every contour on his face was filled with tension. His eyes angrily darted from side to side slowly as he started to look around the room, obviously trying to locate someone quickly, without having much luck. He turned his back towards everybody else in the room who were happily talking animatedly amongst themselves, and slowly put his phone back into his pocket.
During this time, I had walked away from him and was across the other side of the room talking and reminiscing with Winona about our happy times together, neither of us having much time on our hands to spend with each other, my time largely being taken up with endless hours down at the studio, or with Daniel.
Daniel looked at me, a look of grief and tortured pain in his eyes, and before I knew what was happening, he had made his way through the crowd of people and was by my side. "Stacie.... I...." Daniel trailed off quickly, before he hesitated, not knowing what to say, and being unable to put his feelings into words.
His lips crushed down on mine as if this would be the last time he would ever kiss me, strongly and passionately. My lips couldn't help but respond, and as the kiss came to an end, he pulled away from me, before he grabbed my hand and walked away from the centre of the room, pulling me back into the shadows.
"What's going on?"
"We can't do this. I can't do this to you. You don't belong here. I just don't see how this is going to work anymore."
"What?"
"Don't make this harder than it has to be." He said, his tone suddenly changing to one of coldness and indifference.
"I don't understand.... What are you trying to say?"
"I need to go away for a while." He said, before pausing, wondering what had been said on the phone, failing to understand his sudden demeanour.
"Right, well, I'll come with you. I'll talk to the production team, and my understudy, and.... " He looked at me, his eyes on my face as if he could see right through to my soul.
"When you say you need to go away for a while, you mean alone, don't you?"
"Yes..." he paused as he looked at me, his eyes never straying from my face. "I don't want you to come with me."
"I know you don't mean that... why are you doing this? I belong with you, you know that." He looked at me, his face expressionless. There was no way to tell what he was thinking. Not now.
"You were right. Grief brought us back to each other. Not love. That was all that we had left - and we used that, thinking it would be enough to try and make this work, to mend our scars. But it's not. I need something else - something different. Not this. Not now. Not ever again. Do you understand me?" He said. I could see him holding back every single emotion that he was feeling from his face, from his voice. He wanted me to see him as completely devoid and cold - but I was beyond that - I knew that every word he spoke was killing him - none of this made any sense, if he loved me as much as he said he did, why was it so easy for him to convince me that he now felt nothing? Anger surged through me as I grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks as he started to walk away from me.
"You can't even say the words properly... look.... you're shaking!"
"This will be the last time we ever see each other. I can't go through all of this again. I just think it's the right thing to do."
"Look, I know things have been hard... we've been through so much. What happened with Sonja... the pregnancy.... everything... it's nothing."
"Yes, you're right, it was nothing. Nothing than what I already expected. I don't feel anything for you anymore. You mean nothing to me."
"I love you." I said, grabbing his arm to restrain him from leaving.
"Promise me.... " he said, looking at me one last time before turning away from me. "Just promise me that you won't come and find me. Don't try and get in contact. I just can't have you in my life."
I looked at him, unable to breathe, as he stepped away from me and back into the spotlight of the room, where the light was the brightest. I could see he was choked up, struggling to even speak, as he slowly cleared his throat and addressed the rest of our close family and friends who had gathered here for us in celebration.
"Hi everyone. Thank you so much for coming tonight. It means a lot to both myself and Stacie. I hope you've enjoyed yourselves, but I'm afraid I have to make an early exit." Daniel said as he looked around at all of the apprehensive faces staring back at him.
I struggled to smile and nod my head in thank yous and goodbyes, and I looked up to catch a glimpse of Jude staring back at me, a puzzled and confused look on his face, as I nodded and gave him a small smile, the same as everybody else. I knew that he was aware that something was wrong, but I could barely stand up let alone speak more than 3 words.
Finally, the room was empty as I stood in the doorway, my feet sliding to the floor as my legs gave way.
I put my head in my hands amongst my tears and tried to work out what had happened in the last 10 minutes of my life. All of a sudden I looked up, hearing movements from just outside the door. The door opened and I saw a silhouette appear from out of nowhere, still covered by the shadows. The figure emerged slowly as they walked into the light and as I looked up again, Sonja Stone appeared in front of me and looked down at me unsympathetically, with Daniel by her side, her hand twirling playfully in his as she wore a pitying look on her face.
"Bet you never thought you'd see me again, did you?" She said, looking down at me with a cold look in her eyes, unblinking, her face set in stone.
I didn't even have the energy to speak, and as I looked at Daniel, he turned away from me, his eyes tortured and full of pain.
"Now that you have what you want, I think you should leave." I said, looking up at the both of them from underneath my lashes.
Sonja gave me a cruel, wicked smile and turned her back towards me to leave, taking Daniel with her.
Before she could do so, Daniel broke away from her suddenly, letting go of her hand and walking quickly towards me, kneeling down to where I was and grabbing my hand, his hands running through my hair slowly and along every contour on my face.
"Promise me, just promise me... stay away from Sonja." He said, getting up to leave and turning away from me.
I closed my eyes, for a split second, and something inside of me hoped that I wouldn't wake up.