[Stacie Anderson, Gramercy, Gramercy Park, New York City, NY]
*
[2 Months Later]
[2 Months Later]
Everything is OK. Everything's the way it should be. Your career has gone from strength to strength, and you have a boyfriend who loves you and wants to make you his forever. You're his everything, his whole world. Nothing bad is going to happen.
I didn't believe in the conviction of my own words, and had to convince myself over and over again that the words I was saying to myself was the truth, and nothing else. I willed myself to go back to sleep, my eyelids getting heavier with each passing minute, and finally, I closed my eyes and tried to close my mind to all my thoughts and feelings, telling myself my body just needed to sleep.
I woke up again in the middle of the night. Anxious and jittery as I stared up at the ceiling, wondering why there was a creeping sense of nausea located in the pit of my stomach. I force myself to close my eyes again, and focus on a subject that will successfully lull me back to sleep. I lie awake and think of Daniel. It's hard for him to put into words just how much I mean to him, how much he means to me. It's the little things that make me smile. The way he becomes so happy and contented whenever he's around me, the way that despite me being five foot 9, I still have to stand on tip toe to reach his lips, to kiss him.
I move my leg slightly, and between the tangled sheets I can feel his leg propped up beside mine as his head is turned away from me, his body rigid and completely still, the room absolutely silent.
I open my eyes again and look through the window to the right of me. Through the gossamer-like thin curtains, I can see the sun starting to rise, and I wonder if today will be any different to the blissful ones beforehand.
I start to move around restlessly in the bed, making enough noise for Daniel to stir and shift as he lies in the bed beside me. But what I get from him is nothing; nothing even close to a reaction, or even a slight indication that he is starting to wake up. I look at him again, a smile pulling at the corners of my mouth subconsciously. I put a hand on his shoulder but he doesn't move. I reach over, and my hands slide underneath the tangled mess of sheets towards him as I start to tap him again on his arm, but he doesn't respond. I sit up on my knees as I turn him towards me as he is laying on his side, and slowly I see his body start to move.
His body is completely still, and his eyes are open, but glazed over and entirely white, covering over his dark brown pupils. His face is expressionless, and my hands start to run frantically over his face, searching for any sign of life. My fingers trail down to his arm, running my hand back and forth to find out that his arms, his stomach - his entire body is cold, devoid of life. I move back, away from him and I take big deep breaths as my eyes start to fill with tears, unable to hold them in any longer. I look over at him again and my mouth lets out a long, loud scream as I bury my face into my pillow, before I wake up.
I didn't believe in the conviction of my own words, and had to convince myself over and over again that the words I was saying to myself was the truth, and nothing else. I willed myself to go back to sleep, my eyelids getting heavier with each passing minute, and finally, I closed my eyes and tried to close my mind to all my thoughts and feelings, telling myself my body just needed to sleep.
I woke up again in the middle of the night. Anxious and jittery as I stared up at the ceiling, wondering why there was a creeping sense of nausea located in the pit of my stomach. I force myself to close my eyes again, and focus on a subject that will successfully lull me back to sleep. I lie awake and think of Daniel. It's hard for him to put into words just how much I mean to him, how much he means to me. It's the little things that make me smile. The way he becomes so happy and contented whenever he's around me, the way that despite me being five foot 9, I still have to stand on tip toe to reach his lips, to kiss him.
I move my leg slightly, and between the tangled sheets I can feel his leg propped up beside mine as his head is turned away from me, his body rigid and completely still, the room absolutely silent.
I open my eyes again and look through the window to the right of me. Through the gossamer-like thin curtains, I can see the sun starting to rise, and I wonder if today will be any different to the blissful ones beforehand.
I start to move around restlessly in the bed, making enough noise for Daniel to stir and shift as he lies in the bed beside me. But what I get from him is nothing; nothing even close to a reaction, or even a slight indication that he is starting to wake up. I look at him again, a smile pulling at the corners of my mouth subconsciously. I put a hand on his shoulder but he doesn't move. I reach over, and my hands slide underneath the tangled mess of sheets towards him as I start to tap him again on his arm, but he doesn't respond. I sit up on my knees as I turn him towards me as he is laying on his side, and slowly I see his body start to move.
His body is completely still, and his eyes are open, but glazed over and entirely white, covering over his dark brown pupils. His face is expressionless, and my hands start to run frantically over his face, searching for any sign of life. My fingers trail down to his arm, running my hand back and forth to find out that his arms, his stomach - his entire body is cold, devoid of life. I move back, away from him and I take big deep breaths as my eyes start to fill with tears, unable to hold them in any longer. I look over at him again and my mouth lets out a long, loud scream as I bury my face into my pillow, before I wake up.
*
"Bad Dreams?" Daniel said, lying next to me, stroking my shoulders softly before kissing it gently.
I shifted in my bed uncomfortably. I was all too aware of the sheen of sweat that now coated my body due to my occasional nightmares, but this went unnoticed by Daniel as he continued to cuddle up next to me, making me aware that he was next to me, alive, and that everything was going to be OK.
"Something like that." I said, as I started to feel restless and uneasy, images from my nightmare finding their way back to me all too quickly for me to completely dismiss them.
Daniel got up, and now perched on his knees, held me softly to him as he kissed the top of my head, his hands in mine, as he turned my face to look at him.
Could my dreams be a sign of something? Maybe my nightmares were foretelling what was to come? If that was the case, how much longer would we stay like this - how long would I have left to touch his face, to hear his voice, before it was all too late?
"Listen to me...." Daniel said, keeping his eyes locked on my face as he held my hands in his, stroking my palms softly as I listened to the birds outside whilst I waited for him to speak. He leaned in closer as his lips touched mine very softly.
"I love you. You are goofy...cute....philosophical...intelligent...warm...beautiful... and the toughest woman I know. Nothing bad is going to happen. To either of us. You're my heart, and I won't let you go, not even if you want me to." He said, giving me a wink and a soft smile, and my heart couldn't help but melt as his lips brushed softly against mine.
I shifted in my bed uncomfortably. I was all too aware of the sheen of sweat that now coated my body due to my occasional nightmares, but this went unnoticed by Daniel as he continued to cuddle up next to me, making me aware that he was next to me, alive, and that everything was going to be OK.
"Something like that." I said, as I started to feel restless and uneasy, images from my nightmare finding their way back to me all too quickly for me to completely dismiss them.
Daniel got up, and now perched on his knees, held me softly to him as he kissed the top of my head, his hands in mine, as he turned my face to look at him.
Could my dreams be a sign of something? Maybe my nightmares were foretelling what was to come? If that was the case, how much longer would we stay like this - how long would I have left to touch his face, to hear his voice, before it was all too late?
"Listen to me...." Daniel said, keeping his eyes locked on my face as he held my hands in his, stroking my palms softly as I listened to the birds outside whilst I waited for him to speak. He leaned in closer as his lips touched mine very softly.
"I love you. You are goofy...cute....philosophical...intelligent...warm...beautiful... and the toughest woman I know. Nothing bad is going to happen. To either of us. You're my heart, and I won't let you go, not even if you want me to." He said, giving me a wink and a soft smile, and my heart couldn't help but melt as his lips brushed softly against mine.
*
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