Happy New Year!

Hi Everyone!
Although I'm still on hiatus, just wanted to say Happy New Year for 2010!!! I know it's a little late, being 2 weeks in and counting, but it's the thought that counts!!!! I'll be back with this little blog later on in the year, I miss it too much to completely abandon it, plus I have loads of new rewrites and new chapters for BA - yay! I can't wait for all of you to read it! How has your 2010 been so far? Don't forget to tell your friends, so they can tell their friends.... well, you get the picture.
My New Years was a little bit more chilled than last year, I'm happy to report, but it turns out I still found a way to get up to my usual naughty antics....oh dear! I was at a house party hosted by my cousin with an excessive amount of champagne.....
Wishing everyone all the best for the rest of 2010 and see you all back here again very soon later on in the year!
Lots of Love C xoxo

The Goodbye Girl...

After a few re-assessments and decisions in light of my current situation and the past year, I've decided to take some time out from this blog indefinately so I can get back on track with some of the things I've missed as I've been spending a lot of time blogging and doing other things/other websites which can, if you're like me, turn out to be very counter productive in certain situations. Sharing my story with you has been an absolute delight, and I'll continue to do so in the future!
Thank you so much for showing your support, it really does mean a lot to me. I hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas and New Year, and best wishes for 2010 - I sincerely hope it's a good one!
Cleo xoxo

P.S .....
.... this year hasn't been a good one for me.... so i'm hoping 2010 will be much better. It's time to click my heels three times and make a wish..............

delicious dinner parties....

Hey!
One of the things that I would love to do would be to hold a dinner party for all my friends, especially as its summer! Its definetely on my to do list, as its a bit more grown up than a night in with popcorn and DVDs, which is what i've been doing on many an occasion!
I've recently started to get into baking cookies, which has become a favourite past time of mine at the moment! I can also make a pretty good chicken risotto but now that I've started buying cookbooks, I've made up my mind to try and use them more!
One of my favourite ingredients in the world is chocolate, so I figure I'd find a way to incorporate some green and black's dark chocolate into the party somehow, maybe with a flourless chocolate cake! As well as this, stir-frys are really quick and easy to make, especially when using something easy and no fuss like tofu, which is like a protein sponge that you can just crumble or mix into anything! Tomato and Basil pasta is also really easy, as well as soups, which you can just make in a blender....
Missoni do lots of little ceramic plates and china cups that are cute, almost doll like, and although they can be a tad pricey, see them as an investment as you can continue to use them to make memories with friends and family again and again. As well as this, Wedgwood, Muji and the Egg Boutique in Kinnerton Street also do really cute linens, dinnerware, tableware, and ceramics! For candles, head to Diptyque who do the best scented candles - also tea lights from somewhere cheap like your local supermarket will also do the trick! For flowers, the best to go with are tulips, pink carnations, tiger lillies, chinese peonies, hydrangeas, and dahlias, but if you really want to push the boat out, add roses too!
hopefully a dinner party with lots of [bottles of] lovely Rose wine will turn into a reality soon, but if you're thinking of something to do which is relatively cheap which will impress your friends, show your creative streak and be delectably different, you should try this!
Let me know if you do - would love to hear all about it!
My ideal dinner party would look something like the above....
Cle xo

[beautiful awakenings: synopsis]

Stacie Anderson is 25 years old and has just graduated from The Julliard School of Dance. Upon graduating, she manages to secure the coveted female lead in the biggest dance production in New York City to date, and instantly appears on the radar of the dance industry’s most important and prolific figures.
The head choreographer and head of production Benjamin Conrad is known for his fantastic reputation, as each of his productions has opened to masses of success and critical acclaim.
However, he later divulges to Stacie that in order to ensure his success every single time, his creative vision has to be compromised and approved before he is allowed to take control and direct the production in the way that he would like. He then tells Stacie that he is leaving the production in the pre-production stages to pursue his own dreams of creative freedom with a low budget, independent production in Connecticut.
Stacie realizes in one swift moment that not only will she lose a close friend, but her dreams of furthering her career and a shining start as a reputable female lead could well be in jeopardy at this sudden departure.
Ben tries to do his best to reassure Stacie that this will not be the case, as Ben wastes no time in telling Stacie that she has a god given talent for dancing and what she does will be recognized and praised no matter what happens or where she ends up.
However, the atmosphere takes on a melancholy ambience as they both cannot predict the future, and both of them are immensely saddened and tense about what will happen next.
Stacie does her best to remain positive and happy for Ben, and she is happy that he will have the chance to fulfill his dreams and ambitions, but in the back of her mind, her head cannot stop being distracted by the possibility of everything being turned upside down.
Ben assures her that everything will be OK, and starts to tell her about his replacement – Daniel Thomas, who is a producer and choreographer, well known for his music videos that have elevated him to stardom and fame, being praised everywhere he goes, and with the media spotlight following his every move.
Stacie still remains dislllusioned to the fact that all of this is really happening, and confides in Ben that things will cease to be the same again now that he is leaving, without a return date in sight.
Stacie and Ben talk about everything that has happened, all the preparations, the planning, the constant rehearsals, in particular her grueling schedule of rigorous dance rehearsal and training for the past six months to ensure that Stacie is able to play the part to perfection.

Both are unsure of the time, and don’t know whether they have been sitting down talking and reminisicing for hours or minutes, but to Stacie it feels like mere seconds have gone by, her own mind still struggling to process what was happening and trying to understand and make sense of it all, her thoughts reeling desperately as all of this had come out of nowhere. Stacie and Benjamin eventually stand up to hug each other goodbye, Stacie unsure of when she will see Ben again, determined not to cry but failing as she feels sllent, salty tears run down her cheeks, staining her cheeks with long trails of mascara.
They hug goodbye, their arms wrapped around each other, feeling like they are holding each other for an eternity all wrapped up in one moment as the hug each other and say goodbye, Stacie pullng back from Benjamin as she stands opposite him and watches him as he walks out of the door, leaving her alone and upset, without much of a clue of what is going to happen next, her heart physically aching as once again she can’t stop herself from thinking her dreams are over.

Stacie is a perfectionist and finds catharsis with her dancing. She breaks up with her first boyfriend while stil at Julliard, but the result of that difficult break up still sometimes has an effect on her. As of late, she throws herself into dancing to escape and let herself go, whilst all the time striving to be the best dancer she can, allowing nothing and nobody to come in her way. She works better like this, but at times, even with her family and friends around her it can be isolating.
She reaches for her mobile phone and types in a number that she isn’t used to seeing on her screen. She waits for it to ring before she leaves the studio, and drives to her parents house, and knowing her best friend will be busy, longs to find the escapism she needs now more than ever within her seemily perfect family unit.

At her parents house, she finds her older brother Darren also waiting for her. She enquires about his life, as he has just told his family that he and his childhood sweetheart of 10 years, Natasha Baila, is pregnant, and they are getting married in the fall.
Stacie and Darren both engage in playful banter before turning their attentions quickly towards their parents. When previously speaking to her mother on the phone as Stacie was driving towards her childhood home, her mother had requested that she be here anyway, and pressed upon its importance. Stacie and Darren are both surprised by the fact that this event turns out to be such a formal kind of family dinner and gathering, their mother Gail reasoning with them that she doesn’t get to spend much time with her children. Gail tries to act normal, but Darren and Stacie cannot deny that the atmosphere is weird and the room is filled with tension, the silence suddenly overwhelming and awkward.
Their father, Simon, has been acting erratically for the entire evening, and suddenly apologies and starts to get up to leave the table. Gail grabs him and tells him he has to stay and confess everything. Simon is unable to do this to the point that he remains unable to say anything before Gail confesses to their children that Simon has a drug problem and that he has been taking cocaine for the past year.
Darren challenges his father to look at him and start talking, whilst Stacie remains in shock and anger at what has managed to unfold in the space of 24 hours.
Darren gets up from the table, unable to listen to anymore, and before he leaves the house, punches his father in the face as he tries to soothe his rising chagrin, and Darren swears that he will never see his grandchild.
Stacie rushes out of the house after him to find Darren gone, and phones Natasha to ask if she has heard from Darren. She tells her that she hasn’t and Stacie spends the night worried, and unable to sleep at all over everything that has happened.

The story then switches over to Darren’s narrative voice, where we pick up the story with him and his fiancé Natasha at his favourite place in New York City, on a hill that overlooks the rest of the city. Natasha is about 6 months pregnant now, and she suspects Darren’s intense vulnerability and distant manner, and how much all this confession from his father has actually affected him. She tries to be his voice of reason and logic, but Darren seems unable at this point to get past and recover from his father’s mistake.
Sensing his distant manner, she assures him things are going to be OK, and they go home, and make love to each other that evening, wanting to be closer to one another, and achieving this through showing their love for one another when words won’t work.

Darren is woken up by a phonecall from Stacie the next morning, asking that he attend a family meeting at a restaurant later on that evening. He Says he doesn’t want to talk about it, but is later persuaded by Natasha to attend once she tells him honestly that he has to be the bigger person when dealing with all of this.
He agrees and goes along to the dinner. He sees the rest of his family at the table in the restaurant, laughing and joking like nothing has happened, as if they are all blissfully oblivious to what is going on.
He tells his dad reluctantly that he has his support in trying to overcome his addiction, but Darren tells his family that it is too much for him to see them all act like nothing has happened, and hastily starts to get up to leave. His father once again tries to persuade him to sit down, and then confesses that he talked to Tasha who assured him that he would be able to see his grandchild.

This upsets Darren who goes home to find Tasha upstairs, and confronts her about her conversation with his father, telling her that he doesn’t want her involved, and all of this is none of her business. She quickly reminds him that she is part of his family now, and it is her business If it affects the man she loves. They are unable to agree, so Natasha asks Darren to leave.

The narrative voice then switches back to Stacie, and within a week she is back in the dance studio, and meets Daniel Thomas, who is the replacement for Benjamin. She is drawn to him through their mutual love of dance, and confides in him almost immediately, her own feelings catching her off guard and throwing her completely.
Daniel suggests that the choreography for her main lead showcase needs to change, and Stacie, puzzled by this, agrees, and they start to spend more and more time together, and start to develop real intense feelings for one another. Finally Daniel persuades Stacie to go for dinner with him, and then he confesses that he is falling for her. She is all to aware of her own feelings for Daniel and although they match his own, she is well aware of who he is and refuses to succumb and be another woman in a long list of affairs and brief relationships of his. At the end of the night, she firmly assures him that things aren’t going to work out between them, and they should just concentrate on their professional relationship instead of a personal one. Daniel reluctantly agrees, for Stacie, and they agree to just remain friends.
More weeks pass, and they spend more and more time in each other’s company, and Stacie finds herself blissfully happy more and more every day, but at night she is tore apart by her feelings – she wants to take things further, but refuses to let anyone or anything develop the potential to damage her career, even the possibility of love.
Darren and Stacie are back around at their parents home a few days later, agreeing to keep in close contact for the sake of getting their family back on track. Simon tells Darren that he has decided to go to a rehabilitation centre to ensure he gets the professional help he needs. Darren approves of this but can’t help but notice that there is something wrong with Stacie. He confronts his younger sister and despite her best attempts of rebuffing him, they start to talk about her feelings for Daniel.
The next day at the studio, Stacie’s dancing becomes affected and she finds herself unable to concentrate and losing her focus completely. She hates to admit to her own feelings but finally allows herself to meet up with Daniel, and telling him how she really feels, they kiss for the first time.

The next few weeks they spend together, Stacie and Daniel become more and more wrapped up in each other, and Stacie’s best friend Winona starts to tease her about her new relationship.
Daniel tells her he loves her when they are together at his apartment, and Stacie is unable to believe her ears. She doesn’t know what to say, and tells him that she loves him but she isn’t in love with him – not yet.
Daniel is hurt and upset by this, but hides it from Stacie completely, and instead offers her a dress to wear as he wants her by his side for the biggest party of the year within the music and dance industry.
Meanwhile, Stacie is all too aware of Daniel’s assistant, Sonja Matthews, and her constant infatuation with him, who unbenowst to both Stacie and Daniel is about to spiral wildly out of control.
Stacie is reluctant to accompany Daniel to the party as she is still unsure of his true feelings about being rejected by her, but also because it is her birthday on the date of the party.
She accompanies Daniel regardless, and after a couple of hours, leaves Daniel’s side to get some air on her own and gather her thoughts, leaving Daniel drinking and socializing, surrounded by a crowd of people. Sonja sees this and stays by Daniel’s side until the crowd slowly starts to disperse once again and talk amongst themselves in small clusters. By this point, Daniel is quite drunk and she escorts him upstairs to somewhere more private. Sonja then uses vulnerability against him until he confides in her he was rebuffed by Stacie, and they share a kiss together before Daniel pulls away quickly and tells her he is in love with Stacie and he won’t cheat on her.
Sonja nods, seemingly full of understanding, and gives a small smile before going back downstairs. Inside she is full of pain and torture, as she goes and find Stacie sitting down outside. She tells Stacie all about her history with Daniel as his assistant, most notably all his women, his past relationships, his personality, and the fact that he will never change. She then tells her that she and Daniel slept together upstairs, telling Stacie that she knows from Daniel that she couldn’t tell him that she loved him.
Stacie upset and enraged, goes upstairs to find Daniel and confront him, leaving Sonja smling wickedly on the bench behind her.
Stacie shouts at him and leaves, asking Daniel what really happened, and Daniel confides to her that he is really upset at the fact that she couldn’t say she loved him.
Not wanting to hear anymore, and assuming Sonja’s accusations must be true, Stacie storms out, not giving Daniel a chance to explain.
She goes home, and gets drunk, and cries herself to sleep, ignoring all of Daniel’s phonecalls. She stays away from the dance studio for two weeks, and during that time, Stacie discovers she is pregnant with Daniel’s baby.

She schedules in an abortion, and asks that Winona pick her up from the clinic afterwards. Winona cannot help but try and tell Stacie her own opinion, but Stacie refuses to listen, still consumed by a rage of feelings – shock, anger, disbelief and upset all affecting her mind and body. On the way back from the clinic, Winona ends up driving by the dance studio, and sees Daniel walking out of the studio, and he looks up and notices, and starts running after the car, wanting the car to stop so he can talk to Stacie. Winona pulls up at a traffic light, and Daniel bangs on the car window door, wanting Stacie to get out of the car.
Stacie gets out of the car, her expression glassy and numb, and tells him that its too late, and she turns away from him, but he grabs her arm, turning her body back towards his, and demands to know why they can’t be together. Stacie tells him about the baby, before he lets go in shock, and she walks away from him and gets back into the car.

A couple of weeks pass, and Daniel visits Stacie at her home, where she assures him they can’t ever be together again, and that nothing either of them can do can change that. Unbenowst to either of them, Sonja has been stalking Daniel ever since he said he wanted her to leave her job, and that he never has or never will have any feelings for her. She pulls up outside Stacie’s house, following Daniel’s each and every move, and from a distance she sees someone come out of the house, and in her rage, she stops and doesn’t think, quickly coming to the conclusion that it is Stacie, and drives straight towards them in her car, driving into them and knocking them down from behind. Daniel’s body crashes and falls down on top of the windscreen, crashing it completely. Sonja suffers a fatal blow to the neck, breaking it and killing her immediately but not before, to her horror, her last image is seeing Daniel’s bloody face and the man she loves on the ground. Daniel crashes to the floor, and hearing the commotion and crash, both Stacie and Winona rush outside. Stacie screams and rushes over to Daniel, holding his hand, as Daniel tries to desperately apologises for all the hurt he has caused her. Stacie dismisses this and tells him she never stopped loving him, and the ambulance arrives to take him to the hospital.
After 2 days of waiting, and in a critical conditon, the doctors finally tell Stacie that Daniel is in a coma and is unconscious. The doctor then tells Stacie that he will wake up, but is unsure as to when this will be, and will remain comatose until his brain can heal on his own, after suffering a cardiac arrest.

Stacie is distraught and convinces herself that Daniel will not wake up from all of this, but cannot bear to tell the doctors to turn off his life support machine.
In the midst of all of this, Stacie is overcome with grief and starts to exist on Oxycontin to help her through her grief as well as stimulants and barbiturates.

Stacie goes round to Daniel’s apartment to start to clear his things out, but finds herself unable to do this, finding solace in Daniel’s best friend Jude Reynolds.
Stacie seeks refuge and solace in Jude and they sleep together one night, however Stacie is still overcome by grief and exhaustion, while Jude realizes Stacie’s intense vulnerability.

Jude starts to admit his feelings for Stacie, and for the next year and a half, Stacie cannot find it in her heart to allow herself to fall in love and be with Jude after her heartbreak over Daniel.
Finally one night, Stacie confides to Jude that she needs to let go of Daniel, and understand that he won’t wake up – she needs, and wants to find closure.

Stacie and Jude find themselves falling in love with each other, and Jude finally confesses that he has a little daughter of his own, Simone.

Stacie feels adrift and is not sure how to react to this news. Later on that year, Stacie discovers that she is pregnant again, but this time she miscarries the baby.
Later on, after another year and one miscarriage and one cot death, Stacie is unable to deal with this grief, and relapses into her previous drug dependance. When she goes to see the doctor, he tells her it is now impossible for Stacie to have children due to the state of her womb and the physical effect that the drugs have had on her body.

In the meantime, the narrative switches back to Darren’s own narrative voice, and Darren and Natasha get married and shortly after they have a son of their own, named Cameron.
Natasha develops bipolar disorder, which causes he r to act erratically. Natasha starts to behave out of character, her mood swings become violent, explosive and out of control, and this unleashes a constant need to have sex with her husband everywhere and all the time.
Unable to take much more after this goes on for six months and finding himself solely looking after his son as Natasha proves an unfit mother for most of the time, Darren finds himself cheered up with a chance meeting with an old friend from School, Maria Watson, and he finds out that she is now a singer in a bar whilst looking for a record company to sign her. He offers his help and expertise in trying to land her a record deal and they start to reminisce about old times, and more siginificantly their time together.
Maria is not surprised to hear about Darren’s marriage to Natasha, but sooner or later Darren starts to confess to her about the true state of his marriage to the woman he loves so much.
In a moment of weakness, they share a kiss, before Darren leaves hastily and goes back home. In the next few weeks, Natasha starts to return back to herself and apologises whole heartedly to Darren before they make love to each other passionately again, holding each other in their arms. Darren reassures Natasha that everything is going to be OK.
The next day, he gets a phonecall from Maria who says it was good to see him, and that she has just been signed to a local record label on his own recommendation, and as a result has to move to somewhere within their own neighbourhood.
Maria shows up the next day, and Darren hastily introduces her to his wife, and slowly but surely, the two women becomes friends, and sooner or later find themselves to be each other’s best friend.
Maria confides in Natasha that she is jealous of the love between Natasha and Darren, and confesses that she is thinking about saying yes to an offer of marriage from a guy who has fallen in love with her. She tells Natasha that she isn’t in love with him, but someday she could be, but she wants a piece of married life to find out who she really is, and whether it will determine who she will become.
Maria gets married, and both Natasha and Darren attend the wedding. Although they are still in love with each other, the spark has gone out of their marriage, but both find themselves afraid to admit this to one another just in case this really is the end of their marriage altogether. As the two families live in close proximity, they become closer and closer and Darren cannot help but feel a sudden attraction towards Maria, and one day, afraid to hold it in any longer, they sleep together, and Darren feels the same spark he was missing.
Maria and Darren continue to have an illicit affair together, until they are found out. Maria’s husband, Jason, is distraught, and Natasha and Darren’s marriage falls apart, but Natasha finds herself unsure what to feel over the betrayal between her best friend and her husband.

Natasha and Darren divorce, but she later confides in Stacie that maybe the divorce was a mistake. Stacie confesses to Natasha that Darren is a wreck without her, and they should try and make things work out between them.

The story turns back to the narrative voice of Stacie, and Jude tells her is in love with her and wants to marry her. Stacie is shocked and doesn’t know what to say, leaving him without an answer, and choosing to answer her mobile phone instead.
Stacie finds out from the hospital that Daniel has woken up from his coma and is asking for Stacie, the only person he will see or speak to. Stacie doesn’t know what to say or can even comprehend what is happening, and drops her mobile phone to the ground in shock.
She apologises to Jude and goes to the hospital to see Daniel, where she tells him he has been in a coma, before filling him on everything else that has happened during the two years he has been comatose.
Daniel dismisses all of this information, and asks her why she has left out everything about her own life and what has happened.
She tells him everything, and Jude turns up after a few weeks to tell her how much he loves her, and despite her love for Daniel, he is a changed man, and she has changed too much to go back, that however much she loves him, she can’t keep living her life in the past, and she has to move forward.

Stacie agrees with him but tells Jude she can’t leave him and chooses to spend her life with Daniel. Although Daniel wakes up from his coma, Stacie and Daniel spend a happy two years together, but Daniel eventually dies, leaving him brain dead.

Stacie attends the funeral, heartbroken, where Jude also attends, and she is comforted by her parents and her best friend Winona. She stays with Winona back at the flat and throws herself back into her dancing. She eventually goes back to Jude’s house to tell him how sorry she is and her true feelings about him, but he tells her that he is going to try and give his relationship with Rosalie another go for the sake of his daughter Simone, and that its too late, and they should be happy for each other in their respective lives.

Stacie agrees and leaves, and focuses on her dancing. She finishes the production and her contract as the female lead expires, before she gets offered another prestigious lead in another production that also opens up to critical success and rave reviews. She eventually learns that Benjamin has decided to return to oversee and direct as head of production from negotiating a new deal with the financiers of summit company, the company in charge.
Stacie is happy to have Benjamin back in her life, but Ben can see that the light in her has dulled and is about to die out. A month passes, and the story ends, with Stacie going into the dance studio, resuming her everyday routine to find Jude waiting for her. They wrap their arms around each other, embrace and hold each other tightly, and kiss.

welcome!

welcome to friends and followers - both old and new!


Welcome to the brand new site - I hope you like it! Over the next few weeks, I'll be putting up more chapters, so you'll all have a chance to read BA in its entirety - [hopefully!] Please feel free to comment on all of the posts as much as possible - your feedback means so much to me!
So sit back, relax, and start reading!

Look forward to hearing from you!

Cle xoxo

4. [the beautiful and the damned]

Stacie Anderson, [Gramercy Park Hotel, Gramercy, New York City, NY]

“Happy Birthday”. Daniel said as he looked at me and smiled, flashing his teeth at me as he gazed down, his eyes sweeping across every part of my face.
“Kiss me.” I said to him, as I looked up at him. His hand came up, and held my face in his as he bent his head slowly, so that his lips brushed softly against mine. My lips pressed down upon his and kissed him back, this time with more passion and desire, as I closed my eyes as I allowed myself to become completely wrapped up and lost in the moment.
I looked around as I stood beside Daniel; the largest balcony at the biggest party of the year was thoroughly deserted, with not one person in sight. I turned back towards Daniel again and looked out over the horizon, before looking up to see the stars in the sky twinkling back at me, as if they were winking.
Although it was my birthday, I was grateful and happy to be alone with Daniel. He had promised me that this party was the last of all of his many commitments before the summer months started, and after it was all over, he had said that we would go away somewhere, for a week, where we could have a chance to be alone – together.
The party had been an unbelievable parade of a vast selection of the biggest names in music coming together, some mixing business with pleasure, one of what seemed to be the music industry’s biggest unspoken rules, whilst others, like Daniel were only about business, and to his credit, he spent most of his time telling people adoringly what an amazing dancer and choreographer I was, of which everybody he spoke to was only too happy to hear everything and anything about me as the night carried on.
Daniel had literally spoken to every other person at the party, so from the moment we had arrived up until about ten minutes ago, we hadn’t actually turned to each other in order to have a conversation before the next person was introduced or came up excitedly to tap Daniel on the arm, or even just to stare adoringly in our direction until somebody else managed to usher them away quickly with embarrassing and apologetic smiles.
I continued to look out at the starry sky and then at the view of the city from where I stood, happy to have Daniel’s arms wrapped protectively around me as his fingers glided over my skin, as he placed a gentle kiss on my cheek.
The background music from inside the house that spread outside was soft, warm, and romantic, and for the first time I felt happy – euphoric even, that all of this had happened without a single thing going wrong.
Daniel turned my body back towards him now, and started to twirl me around slowly, his hands softly interlinking with my own, as he twirled me around again so that I stood opposite him once again.
I looked at him and raised my eyebrow playfully. He looked back at me and laughed.
“Let’s dance.”
“Everybody’s waiting for you…. “
“Well, I’m sure they won’t mind waiting…. You know, I could always make you dance....”
“I’m not threatened... In fact, I know I’m pretty good without your help… the last thing I need is you making me trip and fall down.”
“You underestimate me...”
“And you overestimate yourself. I don’t get distracted, easily, especially when it comes to dancing.”
“Oh, really…well, in case you haven’t noticed, I think you’ll agree that I’m your exception to this rule.”
“Prove it.” I said, raising an eyebrow, as I started to move my leg slowly.
Daniel looked at me and smiled, and stepped forward slowly, still talking, his eyes locked on mine as he moved closer and closer towards me, his face millimetres away from mine. His hands wrapped around my waist as he pulled my body towards his, my body falling into his hands as my hands came up and caressed his face. His fingers ran down my body as he caressed my arms, pulling his fingers through my own as his lips were inches away from my own now, his movements matching my own. I stroked his face as his mouth pressed down on the top of my lips, and then his fingers ran over my lips again as he smiled, my hands still stroking his face as I bent my head towards his, his eyes closed, before I felt my legs buckle beneath me. He pulled me towards him, and laughed, whispering gently in my ear. “See?” He said, before he took a step back from me, a smug smile appearing over his face as he watched me look away from him.

I looked down and smiled, as I looked up to see him gazing at me.
“What?”
“You look beautiful in that dress.”
“Yeah, not bad, and you brought it all by yourself, too.”
“Ha ha. Very funny!”
Looking down at my dress, I had to agree that it was an incredibly beautiful dress. It was black satin with a high collar, and at the back it was slashed all the way to my lower back. Daniel had given it to me this afternoon, just before I was about to start getting ready.
I had spent the morning with Daniel, doing nothing but just enjoying each other’s company, as we always had, as we always did, as I felt as though we always would continue to do so. It had been 4 months since we had spent our first night together, and in the morning, waking up to next each other, we hadn’t wanted any of it to end. For the very first time since my relationship with Michael, I had let all my guards down, and had let another person into my life without holding back, allowing them to see every side of me. We had spent all of this time together learning about each other, making each other laugh, making each other smile.

Dress rehearsals with the cast for pre-production had started last week before actual production started in a month, but coincidently, Daniel had been away on business for a couple of days last week, so had escaped the prospect of having to deal with any possible questions about our relationship. I hadn’t mentioned Daniel at all during our rehearsals, remaining professional at all times, and the cast had proved an unbelievable group of talented dancers to work with, so rehearsals had actually been a lot of fun, and a way for me to get back to my dancing – which had always been so incredibly important to me. Spending time with Daniel had also become equally important – as soon as we saw each other it felt as if we had been away from each other for longer than we actually had been, and although we loved spending time together, I still didn’t know everything about Daniel, but I had never really given it a second thought to ask him. When we were together, it was as if everything melted away, and I barely gave a second thought to anything.
A couple of days before the party, I had been at his house, where I had spent the night, and we were wrapped in each other’s arms, drinking hot chocolate and watching the rain fall down heavily outside the window. I stood out the window, looking up at the grey sky full of thunderclouds and heavily overcast, while I cradled my mug of hot chocolate before I turned around, and looked over and smiled at Daniel, who was looking at me whilst sitting down on the sofa. He held his arm out towards me, and gestured for me to come closer, until I stood in front of him, and he pulled me down, as I giggled, onto the sofa beside him. I wrapped myself back around the blanket once again as he pulled me into his arms, my head resting gently on the top of his shoulder as he kissed the top of my forehead lightly, and I sat back, listening to the sound of his breathing, whilst his fingers played with the loose curls in my hair.
He breathed in and sighed deeply, and got up slightly from the sofa, as he sat up straight, and looked at me, lying back peacefully on the sofa next to him as I looked at him and smiled.
“Stace… you know I have so much to do next week…. I don’t know that we could see each other.”
I smiled, taking his hand in mine, playing with his fingers, my fingers tracing lightly over the lines on the palms of his hands.
“Is that a reason or an excuse?”
“I don’t know… I’m just telling you the truth…. “
“I know. We both have busy lives, our careers pulling us in different directions. It’s been 4 months of me being with you. You being with me, and we’ve always found a way to be together. What’s going to be so different about next week?”
“Nothing…. I just thought I should tell you. Right now, I always have small events, big events that I need to pay attention to.”
I nodded, and sat up, my blanket falling off my shoulders and onto the floor as I did so. I looked at him, before I shifted my body closer to his and cradled his face in my own, stroking his cheek, where a short amount of stubble had started to grow. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked down, his facial expression brooding.
“I’m a big event.” I said, raising my eyebrows and laughing as I looked at him, before he looked at me and smiled.
“Always…” He said, kissing me slowly on the mouth, closing his eyes as he did so.
“I just want you to know….” He said, looking into my eyes before he continued, losing my focus as I stared back into his eyes as he started to speak again.
“I don’t feel alone anymore… I used to, with all of this pressure, with all of this expectation on my shoulders… but it doesn’t matter, not anymore, not as long as I’m with you.” He said, before I looked at him.
“How can you feel alone, when you have everyone around you willing to do whatever you want them to do?”
“That’s exactly what I mean, though. Being in this spotlight, it’s incredibly isolating. You lose the true people around you – suddenly they disappear from your life in an instant – only to be replaced with these seemingly perfect replicas – all willing, wanting, and waiting to do anything for you, until you fall, and then once you fall, you become a nobody, easily replaced, easily forgotten, and in their world, nobody wants to be around a nobody.”
I looked at him, and smiled, still holding his face. “You’re never alone.” I said, looking at him and kissed him on the mouth.
“So, there’s this party… on Friday that I want you to go to with me.”
“Yeah, sure. But, I mean shouldn’t someone else go, especially if it’s a work thing. Why don’t you ask Sonja? I’m sure she’d love an invite.” I said, playfully giving him a smile.
“She is going, but that’s not the point….” He said, grabbing my hand and holding it up to his while he looked at me.
“The point is, I want you there. I need you with me.”
“Well, it’s my birthday.” I said, looking at him.
“I know, and I already have something else planned for that. This is just something I have to do, and I was hoping you’d come. You are my girlfriend, after all…the only woman for me….” He said, whispering softly in my ear as he kissed my ear lobe, before he whispered in my ear; “And I love you.”
“What?”
“I love you.” He said, sitting back on his knees on the sofa, looking at me as I tried my best to process what he had just said.
“I can’t believe it… “I said, looking at him, both of my hands wrapped around his face as he looked at me, waiting for my reply, waiting for me to say something, to say anything. And I wanted to, I wanted to tell him those three little words he wanted to hear, but somehow, just as I started to open my mouth to speak, something stopped me, and each time, I pulled myself back at the last minute.
I didn’t know how I felt. I did – I felt happy, euphoric when I was with Daniel – I loved everything about him, I loved spending time with him, I loved him, but I didn’t know if I was in love with him. I didn’t know if I could be – after everything I had been through with Michael, all the waiting, all the wondering, the many nights I sat up alone night after night, thinking whether he loved me or not, whether he would say the words to me, and a couple of months after he had, we had loved each other, and the relationship had ended.
“I don’t know what to say….I love you too, but being in love… I don’t know if I’m there yet…” I said, still holding his face in my own.
“Don’t worry about it… its fine.” He said, kissing me gently on the lips quickly, tracing his fingers across my lips gently before he got up off the sofa and stood up. As he started to walk away, I grabbed his hand, turning his body back towards me.
“Are you sure you’re Ok about this?” I said, looking up into his face as he stared right back at me.
“Yeah, in fact I want you to wear something – it’s a dress – for the party.”
“Sure.” I said, as I got up, following him around the sofa and out into the hallway, before he held my hand and pulled me into the bedroom. He walked towards the built in wardrobe standing to the right of the vast room, next to the four poster bed, and took out a dress, and placed it in my hands, as my hands ran over the material, made of the softest satin, and ebony black in colour.
I walked into the en suite bathroom to try the dress on, feeling like a goddess even as I tried the dress on, the material running over my skin as it glided on, fitting me like a glove – my perfect size. I looked into the mirror, and ran a hand over the dress, and even I had to admit that it looked amazing. The high collar looked elegant, demure, and glamorous, while the slash at the lower back brought a more dramatic feel to the look of the dress.
I came out of the bathroom, walking gently forward as I twirled around as Daniel’s eyes skimmed over the dress, my body, my face, every part of me, his eyes betraying his look of gentle adoration.
“It’s perfect.” He said as he looked at me. “You look perfect in it.” He said, and smiled.

*

3. [the one]

*
Stacie Anderson, [Mercer Dance Studio, Soho, New York City, NY]

They say a look is worth 1,000 words. I believe this to be true. I didn't know what to expect, or how to feel as I prepared myself for my professional life without Ben – the one person who had guided me from the very beginning of the production – through various steps, endless rehearsals, different sequences and rhythms, pushing me a little bit more each and every more.
First impressions lasted a lifetime particularly within the dance industry, and although every bone in my body was trying to force some excitable urge out of me from this, I found myself walking slowly towards the studio doors as I arrived, walking incredibly slow and looking around for any new faces that I didn't recognise. The large mahogany door was slightly ajar as I walked into the dance studio, quietly but confident with a warm smile on my face, eager to learn what my new dance choreographer would be made of. I had heard nothing but good things from absolutely everyone I had talked to, and even Ben couldn't officially fault him which annoyed me, as I now had no fall back plan. It wasn't that I wanted to dislike this new replacement, it was the fact that I had worked so incredibly hard, with everything just within my reach, and I had no idea if by working alongside this person, my dreams would be exactly that and would fail to turn into the reality that I had wanted them to be for so long.
I dropped my bag over in the corner as it landed with a light thud on the polished floor, the large mirror now looming over me. I walked further into the room and looked around at the empty, vacant room, waiting for somebody to appear so we could get through the necessary introductions. I coughed lightly and cleared my throat, and pushed my hair back in frustration, my hands smoothing over my curls as they continued to tumble, doing a messy and inappropriate job of framing my face.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see somebody moving closer towards me and I turned around quickly to introduce myself properly.
I looked around and turned to face him properly. He was tall, at least a head taller than me, and he had short, black hair and a strong jawline. His eyes were golden brown, swirling whirlpools of caramel tinged with the colour of burnt amber. His skin was light brown, the colour of milk chocolate. He was lean, his body muscular , but he still managed to effervesce a boyish look about him. His features were perfect – straight, angular and symmetrical.
His dark eyes flickered towards mine for a fraction of a second as I looked at him, uncomfortably now, unsure what was going to happen next. He looked away quickly, returning his attention towards the young woman standing next to him as they both talked amongst themselves. The woman standing next to him was petite, her long blonde hair was straight and short, running to her shoulders, with a long sweeping fringe across her face. She had dark blue eyes, and her figure was curvier, slightly curvier than the average, but it was plain to see that she used this to her advantage, as she wore a black dress with a large white belt that was cinched tightly around her waist, accentuating her assets.
She looked up at me quickly and gave me a stiff smile as the man beside her was still engrossed in his mobile phone ,looking over the large file of paperwork she had in her hand before I cleared my throat, and walked towards them slowly.
The man finally looked up at me, and smiled, and from that point on didn't glance at his assistant again until she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, closing the studio door behind her, a stiff expression on her face.
He walked towards me, his face was friendly, open, and welcoming, a large smile on his lips as his eyes swept over my face, still careful and wary as to who I actually was.
“Sorry about that. You must be Stacie Anderson, right?.” He said, his voice deep and resonating.
“Yes.” I said, returning his smile quickly as I raised my hand and tucked a loose tendril of hair behind my ear.
“My name is Daniel Thomas. Its nice to meet you – finally. I've heard a lot about you from Ben.”
“Right. Ben never really said much about you.” I continued, looking at him, an awkward look on his face as he laughed, shaking his head slowly, before looking up and smiling at me again, catching me off guard.
“Well, that would make sense, I guess he wanted you to get to know me on your own terms.”
“I think I can handle that.” I continued, looking at him.
'So, tell me why you started dancing in the first place.”
“I don't know, really. I always loved ballet, and it just continued from there.”
“And now?”
“My love for dancing has never really gone away... but over the past couple of months, things have been complicated.”
“I think I can keep up.” He said, looking at me interestedly, before he smiled again as he looked down.
I don't know why I decided to tell Daniel everything that had happened to me. Everybody had waited for me to talk, on my own terms, instead of actually asking me what had happened and pressing me for details. We sat down on the raised platform behind us and I talked, while he listened. Seconds, minutes, maybe even hours passed us by as I started to describe everything that had happened to me, how my dancing had transformed from a passion into a way of catharsis, into therapy. I paused for long moments as he looked at me, before being distracted by his gaze and answering without thinking, letting all my barriers fall, and becoming completely vulnerable.
He never stopped looking at me, maintaining direct eye contact, smiling at the right moment, his eyes being sympathetic and consoling at the right time. I couldn't fathom or make sense of his interest in my entire life, but my puzzling expressions never did anything to dent his constant interest in me, and who I was.
“I recently found out that my dad has a drug problem, and its been hard and confusing for all of us. At the time, I couldn't make sense of any of it, and instead of talking about it and trying to work things out, I threw myself into my dancing. Everytime there's been a crisis – a breakup, a breakdown, I've always shut myself off to everything around me, concentrating solely on my dancing, convinced that if I was able to succeed, to really make a career out of it, then everything else would work themselves out.”
“And now?”
“Now, I've had to learn that life's not always like that. Life throws you curveballs, and sooner or later you have to deal with them, because otherwise you just become...”
“Stuck, while life moves on without you?” Daniel interjected, looking at me and smiling.
“Yeah, something like that.” I finished, looking up at him, trying to read his expression on his face as I looked into his eyes.
“Wow – I don't think I've ever sat down and talked about all of this before. Not as candidly as this – not even with my best friend.” I confessed, looking up at him and smiling.
“Well, they always say its easier to talk to strangers about your life – sometimes it becomes incredibly hard to talk honestly to the people we love.”
Daniel sighed and looked at me, his face caught in the beams of sunlight that shone through the window. “So, how long have you been doing your showcase?”
“Long enough.”
“We shall see.” Daniel said, winking at me quickly. “Ready?” He said, getting up from the platform and walking towards the mirror.
I stood up and walked confidently towards the large mirror in front of me, relieved that I would finally be able to dance instead of talk. I still couldn't believe that I had sat down for minutes on end and explained my current life story to this attractive man who I had no idea what he thought of me. My thoughts were unimaginable as I tried to concentrate and focus on my dancing. I managed to complete the sequence perfectly, as usual, and Daniel appeared to be engrossed in my every step and movement.
After an hour of constant dancing, Daniel finally lifted his arm, remote in hand and pointed towards the stereo, stopping the music.
I could feel small droplets of sweat run down my back as I stood panting in the room, my heart beat fast, my hands on my waist as I tried to regain my composure. He looked over at me and smiled, getting up and grabbing his jacket as he walked slowly towards me. He shrugged on his leather brown tan jacket and smiled, mobile phone in hand glancing at it distractedly before looking at me again, before his phone started to ring incessantly. “I'm sorry.... I have to take this, its my assistant.”
I nodded, somewhat disbelievingly. “Now?”
“Yes... its important.... but you were good. Impressive. I'll see you next week.” He said, and walked past me and out of the studio door. I stared after him as he walked out of the room, leaving me speechless.
I sighed, and turned back towards the mirror, deciding to run through my routine one more time, wanting to see if anything would be different now that Daniel was no longer in the room. I ran through the steps, and after I had finished, I sat on the chair, resting my head back against the chairback, my hair and vest top slightly damp from my sweat, as I breathed and panted, the only sound in the room was my ragged heartbeat that was now pumping loudly.
I got up and walked slowly across the room, grabbing my own jacket and bag from the raised platform and walking towards the door. As I got outside, I looked up to see that the sky was clear with not a cloud in the sky, and was eager to get to my car and drive home. I turned the radio on to hear the sounds of incessant chatter, and started the engine. I unzipped my jacket slowly and pulled out my hairband so my hair could finally have a chance to de-frizz on the way home.
I looked around at the rest of the parking lot, and saw that I was one of the last cars to leave. As I drove away from the dance studio and back towards home, I couldn't help but think about that afternoon and the first impressions we had now made upon each other. I started to wonder what would happen the next time I saw him again. I stomped on the brake just in time to stop for a red light as I pulled into the driveway of the apartment complex. I took a deep breath and sighed deeply, thinking about how no matter what happens, certain people just find a way to get under your skin and stay there, no matter what.

*
Stacie Anderson, [Mercer Dance Studio, Soho, New York City, NY]

“Dance as though no one is watching you.” Daniel said, turning and looking at me.
“Are you saying I'm nervous?” I asked, incredulous. I was pretty sure he couldn't be more wrong, or maybe he was having more of an effect on me than I was admitting to myself.
He smiled as he looked up at me again. “No – not at all. That's not what I'm saying.” He said, walking towards me, his arm on my shoulder.
“Well? What then?” I said, trying not to get more and more irritated by his smugness, safe in the assurance that he knew what he was doing, and the fact that we both knew I had no choice but to listen to him, no matter how ludicrous his claims were. I had never been nervous when it came to dancing. It was the one place where I had been able to be completely free.
'Maybe you should try something different? Your dancing – the whole thing is impressive – excellent. But it needs one more little thing – something different, something to give it a bit of an edge.”
“Well, to be honest, I thought that's what I've been trying to do all this time – giving all of this a bit more of an edge by combining two different genres at opposite ends of the spectrum – classic and contemporary.”
“Yes... that's apparent. What I'm saying is it still feels a little bit too structured in certain places... maybe you need to loosen it all up a bit... try changing levels a little bit... start at the bottom and then work your way up so you're never in one stance for too long.”
“Point taken.” I said, nodding my head quickly before looking away distractedly.
“Run through it again.” He said, looking at me, his back against the wall and looking at me as the music track started up again. I took a deep breath and steadied myself in front of the long, looming mirror.
As I ran through each step, Daniel stopped me after every single one, telling me what to do next. He wanted me to slow everything right down so we could try and focus on changing the dynamic of the performance. He came down to the floor, his hands suddenly resting gently on my ankles as he brought one foot forward as he spoke; “Now see what happens when you step here.... “ he said, before moving my right foot beside me “So, instead of stepping to the right.... maybe it would be better if you paused, did a double helix and then followed your body right down again, so that way your levels would change.... what do you think?” He said, glancing up from his position on the floor to look at me tentatively, searching my eyes for an answer.
“That sounds good.. I'll try and work on it.”
“Great, that's fantastic. Apart from that though, well... you're everything Ben said you would be... and more. I'm glad we're getting the chance to work together like this.” He said, as he looked at me and gave me one of his crooked smiles, flashing his teeth. I nodded and smiled back at him, laughing on the inside. I paused for a second and started to realize with sheer amazement, that this was the first time in a long time that I was happy.
“I wanted to ask you something....” He said, as I turned away from him to grab my bottle of water, still breathing heavily from all the dancing I had done, my first break in three hours.
“Yeah sure, go ahead....” I said, concentrating on finding the bottle of water rooted deep inside my bag and struggling to come out. I turned around to look at him, one hand placed firmly around my water cap and the other one instinctively reaching up to brush away the wild tendrils of curls that were surely springing around my face, before my hand stopped, halfway up to my head and frozen in mid-air as I realized another hand had beaten me to it – Daniel's.
Daniel smiled and looked at me as he carefully brushed a loose curl out of my face, and I smiled, awkwardly and grateful at the same time as I didn't know what he was about to say next.
“Its getting late... have you eaten anything today? I should make sure you get something to eat at least, after working you so hard – if you want, of course.” Daniel said looking at me slowly and smiling.
“um... thanks. I hadn't even thought about it... but I should eat something.” I confessed, looking up at him and giving him a short smile.
“Great. I'll drive you home myself, I promise.” He said, looking at me intently.
“Well, you drive a hard bargain, but... OK.” I said, agreeing to dinner with Daniel. He looked at me and smiled, shrugging on his familiar tanned leather jacket as we both walked out of the studio together. I really had no expectations from any of this. I had had a hard day, I was exhausted, so I was ready and willing to sit down, eat something, and relax. Dinner with Daniel was just a bonus, although I was hardly dressed the right way – I had sweatpants and a tank top on, along with a jumper that I had thrown on at the last minute. I didn't even want to imagine what my reflection looked like in the mirror. But once again, my words had run away with me, and not for the last time, I had spoken too quickly and without thinking. I was silent as we walked out of the studio and into the cool evening air, mulling over what people would assume about my appearance – I was all over the place, and looked like I had been styled from someone out of the Rocky Horror Show, whereas Daniel remained casual and sophisticated as usual, oblivious to my own dressed down image.
“Where exactly are we going?” I asked, casually, wondering if my subtle approach would give me some much needed quick answers to the temprament of the restaurant Daniel was taking me too so I could try and prepare myself as much as possible on such short notice.
“Oh, its not far from here, and don't worry, its casual. I do know you've just spent three hours in the studio, so I was hardly going to take you somewhere that was black-tie – give me some credit!” He said, looking at me, then raising his eyebrows and laughing.
“I'm glad you came though.” He said again before I could have a chance to respond.
We walked for a further 10 minutes before we walked up to the door of the restaurant, called Cafe Bella. Daniel walked in front of me and held the door open with an inviting expression on his face, a smug smile which told me that he knew that I wouldn't be able to back out now that we had arrived. I awarded his smug reaction with an obstinate glare as I walked in, sighing resignedly as we walked towards the hostess slowly. The restaurant wasn't crowded at all, in fact it was mostly empty apart from one or two couples and a group of friends all chatting animatedly in their respective booths. The lighting was neutral, creating a casual, open, yet intimate ambience with a light and reflective glow that focused upon the laid back approach of the restaurant, and I noticed that during peak times of the year, I could imagine the restaurant being one of the more popular spots to go to in the city.
The hostess had on a tank top and jeans, had unnaturally dark corkscrew curls, was of a petite build and was several inches shorter than my five foot eleven height. In flats, Daniel was still a head taller than me, and in heels, his head would still reach over mine, but nevertheless, Daniel's height didn't seem to bother the petite hostess at all as she looked up to him and smiled warmly, her eyes full of anticipation and excitement.
“Hi. Can we have a table for two please?” He said, looking at her and smiling.
“Yes, of course you can. If you'd like to follow me, then.” She said, her eyes wondering over my face for the first time as she finally acknowledged me standing next to Daniel. She gave me a short smile and then moved in front of us as she walked us to a booth.
She led us to one of the two most central booths in the restaurant and was about to seat us at the largest of the two, surrounded by the smaller booths with the rest of the paying customers. I pulled a chair out at the opposite end of the table, about to sit down, but Daniel still stood in front of the hostess, remaining perfectly stationary, and still.
“I'm really sorry to be difficult, but is there any chance we could sit somewhere less open?” He insisted, smiling at the hostess and flashing his teeth as he did so. The hostess regained her composure quickly and waved her hand to the right of us.
I looked up at him quickly, shaking my head. “This is fine, really, don't worry about....”
Daniel looked up at me and shook his head slowly, and then turned to walk behind the hostess as she directed us to our new table. I stood still at the table, confused, until Daniel grabbed my hand at the last minute and pulled me along with him.
“Is this one any better?” The hostess said, before turning squarely on her heel as she looked at us both directly in the face.
“This one's perfect. Thank you.”
“No problem at all- I'll be right back with a menu and your drink requirements.”
“Great.” Daniel said as she walked back towards the main area, her stiletto pumps echoing loudly on the floor.
“Why did you do that just now? We really didn't need to be all the way back here.” I said, looking around uncomfortably.
“I just didn't need every single eye on me... although I quite liked having everybody in the room stare at me for having the most beautiful date – in trackpants.”
I laughed. “Thanks.”
“I can't tell you how many people have come up to me and said how lucky I am to be working with you. You have this power over everyone – I don't think I've met anyone yet who hasn't said you're amazing.”
“Its tough having to keep proving yourself and living up to this kind of hype and madness, every single day. I hate it.” Daniel admitted.
“You hide it very well, I'll give you that.” I said.
“Its all just a game. You have to know the rules and you have to know how to play – very well. One small mistake, once you fall, sometimes you don't know if you're going to make it back before someone takes your place.”
“So, humor me, who is the real person behind it all, who's the real Daniel Thomas?” I said, jokingly, smiling.
“Well, with certain people in my life, all the hype falls away – and I can just be myself – just be me and know that I'll be accepted, no matter what happens, even if I'm secretly the biggest loser ever!” He said, smiling.
“Well, you're different than I expected. I thought you'd have this huge ego and become completely unapproachable.”
The hostess came and went, taking our drinks and food orders, but her presence was fairly unnoticed by both of us, and the tension between us was becoming more and more significant as each minute passed. I began to mull over my thoughts, stopping and catching myself, wondering what was going to happen between us, and I had to stop myself from putting my mind into overdrive. Daniel was the first man since Michael that I had allowed myself to stop and think about, to process the little things and try and make sense of all my random thoughts.
I had been focused and completely dedicated to my dancing, my career path, for all of this time that I had simply forgotten about everything else. I had forgotten how to date, how to be a best friend, how to be a sister, how to be a loving and understanding daughter. When I thought about Daniel, these thoughts came to the surface and persuaded me to think about things that I shouldn't be, even persuade me to say things that I shouldn't say – did I really want to put everything on the line and in jeopardy for my presumed feelings about Daniel – this one man in my life who was catching me unawares each and every time by having such a profound effect on me – all my other possible options in as far as foundations for new relationships had gone unnoticed, unwanted, and completely underneath my radar. For the past year, I had been like a zombie, dedicated to my one goal, and everything else simply seemed to be one big blur. Even after all this time, I still struggled to figure out what I wanted out of my personal life, if I even had time for a personal life anymore – I couldn't figure out what I wanted.
As we continued to talk, I looked at Daniel and couldn't help but feel different about my feelings towards him. This was something new but I didn't know if this was a bad thing or a good thing. He had something over me – his hypnotic spell that he had managed to cast over his adoring peers and co-workers was now starting to work its magic on me, the symptoms becoming clearer and clearer to me now. Despite everything, I hated the way I was feeling – the way I was able to completely fall for him so suddenly like this was a first for me. To make things more complicated, Daniel wasn't just any guy – he was a producer in the music industry, with everybody at his feet, and despite everything, and his open honesty with me, Daniel wasn't the guy I wanted to let myself believe in.
Regardless of my innate voice of reason and rationalisation, the heart has its own logic, and throughout my first dinner date with Daniel, I could feel myself being pushed and pulled down to the what ifs and maybes of us together.
“Its tough sometimes... the more hype that surrounds you, the more you have to reassess the people around you, the friends you keep... everything. It can be a hard lesson to learn, and lately I feel like certain people have had more of an positive effect on me than others... which is always a good thing.” He said, looking up at me, raising his eyebrows at me and smiling.
I looked up at him while twirling a fork half filled with pasta. “And you immediately thought of me?” I said, trying to work out what he was saying.
“Yeah, I guess I did.” He said. “All our time together in the studio is starting to have an effect on me.You see me and treat me as a person – a real person... and I like the way I feel when I'm around you. I'm falling for you.” He said, looking at me intently.
I sat quietly, brooding over what Daniel had just carefully admitted to me. I was dazed, and not confused, but shocked that Daniel had actually startled me with his confession – and that he was reciprocating my own silent thoughts and feelings about him. I began to feel quite disorientated – I looked down towards my drink and realised that I had managed to order sparkling water instead of coke, the latter being without the sugar rush I needed. I rested against my seat, grateful of its hard back to prop me up so I didn't end up slouching everywhere, as I started to feel overcome with tiredness. His expression was unreadable, his movements still as a statue, and not moving at all. As more minutes passed between us, I began to get uneasy, and he looked up into my eyes, his seeking my own, his hazel eyes full of questions as a pained expression quickly washed over his face only to be quickly replaced with a careful, cautious one instead as he looked at me,a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.
“Do you want to get out of here?” He asked, looking at me suddenly. I nodded slowly as he waved the hostess over to pay the bill. As much as I wanted to get out of the restaurant and on my own to figure things out and to possibly get some much needed sleep, I was still grateful for the short walk back to the studio and then the ride home back to my flat, as I wasn't able or ready to allow myself to say goodbye to him on such awkward ground.
Once we had paid and left the restaurant, we went back outside into the cool evening air, and reality started to hit me all over again, leading me to believe that I had just stepped out of some kind of dream. But as I looked quickly at Daniel, I realised that dinner had actually happened. I wasn't shocked or surprised about having dinner, or about the fact that it was dinner with Daniel, or that I could be with Daniel – it was the fact that both of us had managed to fall for each other so quickly in such a short space of time – and that brought its own set of questions I just wasn't ready to face yet.
We walked back to the parking lot of the dance studio in absolute silence, mostly because I didn't know what to say – If Daniel confronted me about any of it, I wouldn't know what to say, or how to even begin to respond, or even begin to explain what I couldn't even make sense on my own.
As we got closer and closer towards my car, Daniel kept a careful distance between the both of us, and as we stopped against my car door, he pulled me towards him and held my hands in his. “Stacie...” He said, turning my body to face his as he continued; “Now would be the time to say something about all of this?”
I looked at him, meeting his eyes. “I can't... I can't... I can't put my dancing in jeopardy. This showcase is everything to me – without this, I don't go anywhere.”
“Is it really more important that you'd sacrifice.... this?” He asked, still holding my hands in his.
“This? What is this? What do we really mean to each other? I don't even think you can define what it is – what we actually have.”
“I know what I have when it comes to dancing... and I'm not going to gamble with it.” I continued.
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“You know what I mean. You have a thousand girls – women to choose from. Why me? I'm not going to be the latest squeeze of the month. If this goes wrong, you can bounce back from all of this. I can't.”
“Stacie, listen to me... you know its not like that.....”
“How should I know? If anybody found out what was happening, I could get pulled from the production. I've worked too hard for this to pass all of it up so easily and on such a whim.”
His hands dropped away from mine, and he slightly pulled away from me. I raised an arm, placing it gently on his shoulder as I tried to make him understand where I was coming from.
“I know you're afraid to take a chance on this... to take a chance on me... but please think about this. We won't have to defend our relationship to anyone. Look, you can't help who you fall for, and I wish, in this situation I could, for you, but I can't, I just can't.” He said. I looked at him and started to shake my head slowly as his hand came up to cradle my face.
I was still so confused about everything. I didn't want to damage my professional relationship in the midst of a personal one, I needed this production showcase so much. Another part of me was saying that I needed Daniel in my life,that life was too short for regrets and pulling back from the thing you want the most when its right in front of you and there for the taking. After my relationship with Michael had ended, this was the first time that my heart decided to embrace and entertain the prospect of falling in love again. But I ddin't know what was the right step for me, but I had to make a decision one way or the other, and decide before something else happened, and before it was too late.

*
Darren Anderson, [Waverly Avenue, West Brooklyn, New York City, NY]

'The love that makes the sun and other stars' – This was how Tasha had described the way we loved each other. From the very first moment I saw her, I always knew there was something special and alluring about her, something much more than the attractive, popular half Italian woman who was cute, likeable and funny, and I knew that she was the one.
But now, in this moment, I could hardly bear to look at her, this beautiful woman and the mother of my child – a part of both of us that grows inside of her.
I was angry and frustrated as I stood outside our bedroom door, a million thoughts running through my head as I tried to think where I had gone wrong. I shook my head and walked out onto the porch, where I sat down on the overhead bench, white and wooden, that hung from the low patio roof above the back door. I rummaged through my pockets for the packet of hidden cigarettes I kept in my jacket. As I lit up quickly, inhaled slowly and breathed out a cloud of smoke, I sat back on the bench and stared above at the starry sky. I always felt like I was trying to do the right thing, but always being compromised by my own judgement at the last minute.
Inside, I could hear Tasha moving about inside the kitchen noisily, no longer caring how much noise she ended up making. Now more than ever, I realised that she needed me to listen to her, whether she was right or wrong. She was in the middle of doing this amazing thing – and I realised that I couldn't afford to let her down – I didn't want to.
The walk I had taken to get here – to get to where I was today, had been a long, hard journey, and I didn't want to lose or waste any more time with focusing on the insignificant things. Tasha meant everything to me, now more than ever, and anything else that would stand in the way of loving her or causing her to be upset would just have to wait. Our relationship had been far from perfect, with ups and downs just like any normal couple, but maybe more than most.
We had always agreed that we drove each other crazy, to the point where we would have screaming matches and fights with each other until the other person gave in, both of us equally stubborn and insistent on not being the first one to cave in and show a white flag of surrender. However, for all our arguments, and volatile and erratic behaviour, one fact surpassed all of this, being clear to anybody who looked at us that we were madly in love and crazy about each other.
Now I don't even know how we had ended up here – I would do anything for Tash – anything to make her happy, and now it seemed like my every move did the exact opposite. I walked slowly back into the kitchen, and watched her as she made macaroni and cheese, her favourite dish since she found out she was pregnant. I rested my hands on the tabletop behind me and watched her, before she turned around to face me and we both stared at each other. We both knew that there was nothing left to say about the situation with my father, with my broken family, but despite everything, I knew I had to change and listen to her, wanting me to be everything that she expected I should be, and more.
She shook her head resignedly as she looked around the kitchen distractedly, before allowing her eyes to linger on my face again, looking intently into my eyes before she spoke.
“Darren – I really don't feel like talking right now.”
“We're a good match then. It means you can listen.” I said, moving in front of her face.
“Can we not do this now? I'm tired – I need to lie down.” She said, pushing her head away to the side, and grabbing my shoulder, trying to push my body out of the way so she could get past.
“I'm not going anywhere.”
“Great – you can stay here as long as you like, but I'm leaving.” She said, resolutely, her stubborn look flashing across her face.
I grabbed her arm as she turned her body away from me. “Stay with me – don't you think we need to talk about all of this?”
“There's nothing left to say.” She said, turning her head slightly and looking up at me, her face cold and distant, giving me a stony glare.
“Look, I know I've made every wrong decision about everything, it seems, but I really think....”
“You really think what? What are you so sure about this time? That you're going to stop being immature? That you're going to grow up and take responsibility for your actions? I already have one baby to take care of, and I don't need another one.” She said, looking at me and shrugging her shoulders.
“I know, I know....” I said, grabbing her face and covering it with kisses, finally kissing the top of her forehead, and pressing her stomach carefully.
“I'm sorry.... I love you so much, and I'm sorry for the way I've been handling everything, I just feel very protective over you sometimes.” I said, holding her face in my own hands.
She smiled as she looked at me. “I'm not fragile – I'm not going to break anytime soon. You don't have to protect me.”
I looked at her and smiled. “I know. I guess my family has been so messed up these past couple of months, and in my own weird way I just didn't want you to have to be a part of it.” I said.
She looked at me and held my face in her hands. “Baby, I am a part of your family – I'm your family too.”
“And you're right you know... about everything... whoever this is...” I said, patting her stomach gently; “they're going to want to have all of their family in their lives, and they should, no matter what.” I said, as I smiled and kissed her on the top of her forehead.
She turned back towards the granite worktop, as she started to spoon macaroni and cheese out of a frying pan and onto the plate before taking it along to the table as I turned and grabbed my keys off the worksurface before looking at her and raising my eyebrows in surprise.
“Mac and Cheese? I thought you weren't a fan?” I said, laughing as she played with a forkful of it as she raised her head and looked at me.
“I know. What can I say? Cravings – I'm up and down like a rollercoaster. Last week it was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, the week before it was bananas and anchovies, and now its mac and cheese.” Tasha said, looking at me and smiling.
“I'm going to go and stop off at my parents' – I think they want me to be there – and I haven't talked to my dad since seeing him briefly at the restaurant.” I said, looking at Tasha.
“Well, I hope it all goes well....give me a call later, OK? If you're stopping by the Deli, could you pick me up a...”
“Chicken salad with no pickles or onions?” I said, looking at her and smiling.
“Wow – I'm impressed!”
“Well, what can I say? Being around you and your cravings all the time has rubbed off.” I said, as I blew her a kiss and went out the front door.
The fresh air outside was a welcome relief as it helped to clear my head. I still had no idea what I would say to my father as I hadn't seen him since my angry exit back at the restaurant, which had been over two weeks ago.
I had been feeling pre-occupied and distant because of my strained relationship with my father, but I was determined to fix it and to try and correct it, and I would support him if I needed to. I had missed the relationship that we used to have – the fact that I could go and talk to him about anything had been a big part of my life so far, and during the first few weeks of learning that Tasha was pregnant, I had been able to talk to my dad, able to put my cards on the table in frank and honest candour.
I got into the car and drove up to the freeway, and once on the road, I went faster, keeping my speed just below the limit, and casually checking for the right exit, not that I needed to since I knew the route to my parents house backwards, but I figured I might as well take the extra steps to be more careful – I had begun to guess that the prospect of fatherhood was starting to affect me more than I realised.
As I turned off the speedway, and out into the streets of the upper east side, it took me all of ten minutes to get through the building driveway and into the large drive that circled the entirerity of my parent's house, as i noticed Stacie's car in the driveway along with the usual two cars of my parents, neatly parked side by side.
I walked up to the door, and knocked to see Stacie open the door, pushing her hair back from her face as she looked to see who it was. She smiled slightly when she saw it was me, and gave me a brief hug before turning on her shoe and walking inside and down the corridor towards the lesser, and the more informal of the living rooms, which was open plan and backed onto the breakfast bar, a slight version of the larger kitchen on the other side.
Her usual sleek dark brown curls were now slouched in a low, messy ponytail and her eyes had a pre-occupied yet vacant look, as if she was trying to figure something out that she couldn't find the answers to. I assumed she had been down to the studio today as she was wearing a baggy tracksuit and a jumper, but flat shoes instead of trainers.
I walked into the living room and nodded over at my mother and father, who had also made their way into the living room and stood quietly chatting in quiet voices amongst themselves as Stacie now sat down, stationary and silent at the large burnt terracotta table in the middle of the room, the empty seats around her and the large vastness of the table only emphasized the fact that she either wanted to be alone, or that something was wrong, but she was having trouble with putting it all into words so people could have a chace of relating to or identifying with her on some small level, as clearly, or what seemed to be the case with our family, was that we were never really overloaded with friends , popular visits or even next door neighbours, as the friends that we had made often confided in us that the other people in the same neigbourhood became envious of our looks.
“Hey Stace, how's it going?” I said, looking at her.
“Yeah... fine.” She said, carrying a pile of papers in her hands, struggling to walk, before I grabbed the entire pile out of her hands and carried it easily across the room towards the table.
I nodded across the room towards my mother and father who now stood at the breakfast bar in the open plan living room, the lesser of the two living rooms, talking amongst themselves in quiet whispers. I sat down at the table and looked across at Stacie, trying to figure out what was wrong, what she was thinking, and whether or not she would let me in, and let me try to help.
“How's all the dancing going, then?” I said, trying to make another effort at having a successful conversation with my younger sister.
She looked up at me and then sighed, shaking her head quickly, looking down at her pile of papers again and writing furiously.
“What's all that?” I said, nodding towards the pile of papers, some on the table, whilst the bigger pile rested precariously on her lap.
“Did you forget I'm organising Tasha's surprise baby shower?” She said, looking up at me and giving me a short quick smile before returning her eyes towards the stack of papers.
“Right... Thanks for doing that by the way, Tasha really will appreciate it.” I said.
“I know.” Stacie said and looked at me, giving me a quick smile before pushing her loose curls back away from her face.
I reached out a hand and touched her shoulder lightly, and she flinched as she appeared jumpy. She looked back at my hand and gave me another smile. I got up from the table and walked towards the breakfast bar towards my mother and father. My mother enveloped me in a huge hug. I looked over towards my dad who gave me a large smile and held out his hand, which I shook immediately.
“So, how's everything going?” I asked, eager to know what was going to happen with my father.
“Good – For the last couple of weeks, and with your mother's help, I've been trying to figure out how I should start dealing with all of this – and making sure I do the right thing – and make the right decision. So I've come to the decision that the next step should be some kind of rehabilitation – I've made an appointment at Honor Oaks and they're going to call me in for an assessment next week – to see whether or not I'm eligible.”
“Dad....”
“Listen to me, Darren. This has been a huge wake up call for me, more than I even imagined myself. If I want this family to survive and get through this and get back to the way things things used to be, then I need to do this – to get some professional help of some sort. I need to do this – and I'll keep getting help with this until I know I won't let you – any of you down ever again.”
“Right... well, I'm proud of you.” I said, as I gave my father a hug, the first time I had given him one in a long time.
“How are you doing – how's Tash, and the baby?” My mother asked, looking at me, a huge smile sweeping over her face, as it did everytime anybody brought up the subject of Tasha and the baby.
“She's fine – everything's great.” I said, smiling at both of my parents and laughing as I shook my head.
“More to the point though, does anybody know what's wrong with Stace?” I asked, looking at both of them. My parents both looked at me and shook their heads. My mum looked at me slowly before continuing. 'I'd say she's been a little stressed, I think maybe's she under a little bit of pressure, but that's nothing compared to the pressure she puts on herself. But its no higher than usual, I think.”
“She seems a bit distant, and aloof. Something's definetely wrong with her.” I said, looking at her, and trying to work out what was the matter with her. I grabbed a drink from the refridgerator and walked back towards the table, sitting down next to her.
“There are four other chairs around this table.” She said, not looking at me as she continued to write. A few minutes passed by as I still sat down in the same chair and finally, she put her pen down and raised her eyebrows, looking at me in confusion.
“What's going on with you, Stace?” I said.
“What's with all the 20 questions? You've never been one to keep on at me like this. Like I said, I'm fine.”
“Like I said, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong? Is it something to do with dancing?”
She looked at me and sighed deeply.
“My Dancing is fine... its.... something else... its complicated.”
“What is it?”
“Its Daniel....”
“The guy that's replaced Ben? What's the problem?” I asked, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
“Well, now that I'm changing parts of the showcase, it means I'm spending all of my free time down at the studio, and as a result Daniel and me have had to spend a lot more time together... and its been a couple of months, and....” She stopped mid sentence and looked at me before she started to laugh. “I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this....but we've both admitted that we like each other.”
“And that's a bad thing?” I asked her.
“Yeah, it is! My dancing means everything to me, and if anything went wrong,. I'd never forgive myself for not trying hard enough.... and I'm not about to put it all in jeopardy over me feeling a certain way about some guy.”
“But is he really some guy? Is he really the same as every other guy out there?” I asked her.
“Yeah.... “ She trailed off.
“Are you sure?” I asked her, a smile pulling at the corners of my mouth.
“You think this is funny?”
“No... its just you always do this – you get in your own way all of the time when it comes to these types of things. I know dancing is important to you – and given your god given talent, you have to stop thinking about if it will happen, but when.”
“Its not that simple, Darren. I know it was like that for you and Tash, you two are made for each other, but this is different.”
“Is it? If this is the first guy in a long time that's made you feel something different, you can't give up on that. You can't give up and turn your back on love for the sake of dancing. Sometimes you need to take a step back, and find out what will make you really happy.”
“I know what will make me happy... my dancing, my showcase... I need this to happen.”
“Will it? What about in a couple of months time? How will you feel when you see Daniel everyday, keeping yourself away from him – how are you going to feel when he moves on?”
Stacie shook her head slowly and looked at me. “When did you get so smart?”
“What can I say, I have my moments.” I said, looking at her and giving her a big smile.
On my way home from my parents' house, I could only hope that our family was slowly getting back to how things used to be. For my mother, she had been no doubt pushed to the very edge of love and back in showing her solidarity towards my father, whilst I had been tested a number of times to see if I was really changing – if I was really taking on a different role altogether in embracing my soon to be fatherhood. Somehow I was eager to get back to the way things used to be, but I knew that despite everyone's best intentions, too much had changed for everything to go back, but I knew that all of us, together, and as individuals, were now strong enough to rescue and save each of us when we stumbled and fell, something that I hoped that I would be able to do with my own growing family.

*
Stacie Anderson, [Mercer Dance Studio, Soho, New York City, NY]

It's as if I've gone colourblind. Whenever I dance, everything's always in sharp, vivid technicolour – everything makes sense, my steps are perfect, my body syncs perfectly with every beat, every note, and harmonizes seamlessly with the music.
I'm standing in front of the mirror, out of breath, my hair damp and frizzy as sweat covers every part of my skin. I've spent three hours rehearsing the steps, but they're not making any sense to me. The steps are as usual, perfect, but something's missing and somehow, its just not coming together. I try and play with the choreography, but no matter what I do, however many turns I put in, or how many steps I take out or make more complicated or simpler, nothing seems to work.
I take a couple of steps back away from the mirror, and take a deep breath. I sit down on the chair, and put my head back, trying to get my breath back as I sit forward, my damp loose curls flying everywhere. I take a few ragged, short breaths and walk towards the door where my bag is laying on the floor, and rummage inside it for my phone and my bottle of water.
I make my way back towards the chair, before getting up and walking towards the mirror and start to cool down, stretching every part of my aching body, my muscles so sore that they feel like they are being torn instead of stretched. This manages to distract me from my own stressful restlessness for about half an hour before I walk back towards the chair. I take a large sip of water, grateful for the cool liquid hitting the back of my throat. I sighed deeply, looking down towards the floor, trying to distract myself from my own thoughts.
I think about what I want out of my life, what I want right at this very moment, but no matter what I do, one thought keeps coming back to me over and over again, and despite all my protests and silent proclamations, I can't ignore it anymore. I reach for another sip of water, then pull out my phone. I can't even believe I'm about to do this – but I have to at least give it a chance. With steady, but unsure hands I scroll through my phonebook to find the number I'm looking for – past Win's number, and even past Michael's new number, before I find the one I'm looking for and type a text.
“Can we meet?” S
I press the send button, and wait, putting my phone back into my bag and stand up in front of the mirror, trying to put my thoughts out my head. I walk towards the window, and stare outside for a little bit, until I walk slowly back towards the chair, my legs aching with every step. I take my phone out of my bag and look at the message on the screen waiting for me.
“Sure.” D

*
Stacie Anderson, [Toast, Soho, New York City, NY]

We agree to meet in a small place called Toast in Soho, around the corner from the dance studio and within walking distance for me, much to the upset of my legs. Its a comfortable, inconspicous place with modern decoration, and shelves full of cook books. I walk inside the door and look around patiently. The two main centrepieces are the kitchen, and the bar. The focus of the kitchen are the large stove, of which takes most of the room, which the rest of the kitchen is built around. The open plan layout of the kitchen is warm and welcoming, and the majority of the tables are placed carefully around it. On to the back of the kitchen is the bar, with huge granite surfaces surrounding the centrepiece of the bar. I walk towards the front, facing the kitchen, and look around quickly before my eyes sweep across Daniel, waiting for me at a small table situated a few feet away from a stainless steel worksurface with a huge matching coffee maker on it. I smile as he looks at me and waves me over to him.
I feel my guard rising up instinctively, and against all my better judgement, here I am, succumbing to my own stupid motions and following my heart instead of my own instincts.
“Hi. Thanks for meeting me.” I join him at the table, where he looks up at me and smiles, before taking a quick sip of a large ceramic mug of coffee on the table.
“That's OK. I was glad you suggested this – thanks for not holding my rudeness against me, about the whole holiday thing – I should have told you, and not left it to my assistant to tell you.”
“That's fine. I hope you had a good time.” I said, looking up at him.
He looked at me and shrugged. “It was all work, really. I couldn't wait to get back.” He said. as he looked at me, his eyes flashing.
No matter what I had willed myself to think in the last couple of weeks whilst I had been away from him, something always brought me back to thinking about him. No matter what I said or did, I couldn't get away from Daniel pervading my thoughts.
“Stace – what is all this about? Why did you want to meet me?” He asked. As if out of nowhere, a hostess came over to take my drinks order, allowing me more time to stall and think of a better reason than “I just wanted to.” I ordered a large cappucino, and the hostess looked at both of us and smiled, nodding before walking away again.
“I don't know... I just... I just needed to see you. I can't explain it.” I said reluctanctly, maintaning eye contact with him whilst waiting silently for a reaction.
“Why?” He said, looking up at me, his eyebrows furrowing, giving me a stony look.
“I felt something, and as much as I've been trying not to think about you, I can't help it.”
His expression relaxed as I sighed, and looked at him, as he looked down before he smiled at me, flashing his teeth. His smile was infectious, and I couldn't help but smile back.
“How can you act so insouciant about this, though? I mean, if anybody found out... I don't know what would happen, and I start rehearsals with the cast soon. The last thing I need is them thinking my favouritism is based on sexual favours If we have to start decieving people, we're going to have to weave one tangled web.”
He looked at me and laughed. “I don't know... I meant what I said, Stace. I've fallen for you. I haven't stopped thinking about you since that night, and I just want you to give this a chance.”
“I know, I know, me too. Its just I don't want to jeopardise what I've already worked so hard for. And as I said, you could have a thousand women if you wanted to.”
“I know all of this. I don't want anybody else. The only person I want is you. I don't want this to be a fling – I want the fairytale. Can you trust me with that?”
“Yeah.. I guess I can.” I said, looking at him and smiling.
“So, what happens now?” I said, looking at him and smiling, not knowing what to expect. But now that my cards were on the table, for the first time in a long time, I didn't care.
“Well... I've always wanted to try one thing....” He said, his eyes sweeping over every part of my face as he looked at me, a large smile appearing on his face.
“Don't move...” He said, his voice now a gentle whisper as his face got closer and closer towards mine, until our lips were just inches away from each other's, and before I knew what was happening, his lips were on mine, pressing gently against mine, before I took a deep breath and kissed him back, my lips gently brushing against his, before he kissed me back more passionately, and I could only respond with kissing him right back, my lips lingering for a few seconds as I drew my breath back, my fingers lightly tracing the outlines of his face as he waited patiently until my mouth found its way back to his.

*
Stacie Anderson, [Hillside Villas, Gramercy, New York City, NY}

“Stace, come on, you can't possibly deny it anymore... its been 2 months already!” Win looked at me and smiled, before she burst out laughing.
“Well, if you find it so funny, maybe its just a casual thing after all, and not even worthy of giving a name to any of it.” I said, raising my eyebrow and smiling.
“OK, I'm sorry. You're right. Why are you holding out on this, though? I bet he's already started doing it, only you haven't noticed.” Win said, looking at me and winking.
“Win – please, just stop! I think if he had, I would have noticed by now...” I said. Win gave me one of her special puppy dog, adorably cute looks which just proved impossible to say no to. She didn't do it a lot, but whenever she did, she claimed there was always an important reason, or agenda behind why she had done it.
“OK, OK, fine. You can call him my boyfriend, although I don't get why you can't just call him Daniel – just like everyone else.” I said.
“Stace, this is good. You're finally allowing yourself, well, me, to define what you really mean to each other. You two are sickeningly cute together anyway.”
“OK, I really have to go now.” I said, walking away from her, and grabbing a piece of toast on my way out, making sure I had my phone and car keys with me on my way out of the front door.
I shook my head, closing the door firmly behind me as I walked towards my car. A rising feeling of euphoria started to take over as I drove down to the studio, knowing that I would see the one person who could always make me unbelievably happy in just a few short minutes. It took a while for me to get used to feeling like this – as I hadn't experienced anything like this in such a long time. I would never forget my old relationship with Michael – it had been important for both of us – he was the first person I had allowed myself to completely fall in love with, and although it hadn't worked out between us, there had been times when we had both brought out the best in each other. After our split, I threw myself back into my dancing, cutting myself off to every kind of emotion, and shutting myself down completely, always having my guard up with every new opportunity when it came to relationships.
I walked in the studio to find Daniel on the phone, and focused on who he was talking to on the other end of the line. His eyebrows were furrowed together in concentration, and he had a tank top on and a jumper which accentuated his chest, and his muscles. I looked around the room, a few minutes passing by, before my eyes finally swept over Daniel's assistant, standing in the corner of the room, looking at me with a volatile glare. I smiled in her direction, and she started walking over to me, in careful steps, making a conscious effort to walk in a certain way that highlighted the way her body moved against her clothes. I looked down at my phone before casually glancing up to find that she was right in front of me, staring at me, and waiting patiently, as if she wanted me to speak.
“Hi. How are you?” I said, looking at her, flashing another short smile as her large eyes swept over me, her eyebrows raised, in what looked like mild disgust.
“Hi. What are you doing here?” She asked, sweetly, before giving me a short, condescending smile.
“What do you mean?” I asked, her, suddenly looking over her head towards Daniel. I wasn't exactly bothered by what she had said – I knew that I was supposed to be here – whether Daniel was here or not, seeing as I practically owned the studio, I was the only dancer in the entire building who got the most use out of any one studio.
“I'm supposed to be here.” I said, looking back at her, raising my eyebrows questioningly, challenging her own derogatory stares back at me.
“Right... its just I don't think Daniel was expecting you today... he has a lot to do... such a busy man.” She said, looking back over her shoulder and staring at him. Daniel looked at the both of us – these two women and smiled in our direction before slightly turning his body away from us and lowering his voice, talking into his phone.
“It really doesn't matter to me whether Daniel was expecting me or not... I don't need him to be here anymore than you don't want him to be here – with me.” I said, a look of defiance on my face, my words obviously striking a nerve with her, but she quicly recovered as she looked back at me.
“Just so you know, Daniel needs me in his life... I'm a big part of it... without me, nothing would ever get done.” She said, looking at me, a smug smile on her face.
“Right. Well, thanks for that. God help him if you ever were to disappear.”
“My point exactly. I love what I do – and I always make sure I put in 110% each - and every time.” She finished.
“Well, I can understand that perfectly – you have a job to do. Now if you'll excuse me, you're getting in the way of me doing my job.” I said, raising my hand and waving it in front of her, making sure she was out of the way. She skulked away to the door, and walked out, leaving the door wide open behind her.
A few more seconds passed, and I went over to the raised platform near the door where I dropped my bag, before I turned around and walked towards the middle of the room, standing in front of the mirror, preparing my body to run through my normal routine of stretching.
Daniel walked towards me, a huge smile on his face as he looked at me, and swept me up in his arms, wrapping his arms around me, as he turned my body towards his, and kissed me gently on the lips.
“Hey you.” He said, whispering in my ear now, as his nose started to nuzzle my ear.
“Hey.” I said, looking at him and smiling. I looked at him, before a wave of lust engulfed me, out of nowhere, and my hands found their way up to their face as I drew his face towards mine, and kissed him again – this time, harder, and passionately, my lips crushing down on his, as I closed my eyes and let myself get wrapped up in his body.
“I was just talking to your assistant, Sonja? She seems so nice.” I said, raising my eyebrows playfully at him whilst his fingers ran through my hair, before his arms wrapped around my waist protectively.
“Sorry if she's been giving you any trouble... its just her way... she can be a lot to take sometimes...but she's good at her job, I don't know what I would do without her.” Daniel said, looking at me.
“Its fine. Don't worry about it, I'm sure her animosity will blow over soon, right, its not like she holds some kind of personal vendetta against me... yet!” I said, looking at him, a smile pulling at the corners of my mouth.
“Well, I can see her point...” Daniel said, a frank expression on his face as he looked down before he looked me in the eye. “Its incredibly hard for her to get me to focus and concentrate on anything these days.. especially when you're in the room, and since I can't stop thinking about you, she's under immense pressure to get me to pay attention to the most tiniest of things, when my mind's all wrapped up around you... you're the one.” He said, breathing those final three words into my ear, as if it was a secret that was only meant for me to hear, and know the meaning behind it, and in that moment, I believed that he was telling me the truth.